We worship your music.
Good to go.
A-OK.
Turn over the reels.
Spooling.
Spooling.
Speeding.
Audio recordio.
Up to speed.
Talk on the fork.
What does that mean?
These are all... that's just a behind the scenes glimpse there of the kind of technical talk that goes on while we're recording this podcast, right Adam?
Any young band
will know exactly what all those phrases mean.
Exactly.
Yeah, that's what it's like here at the home of the Adam and Jo Coke New Music Podcast.
Welcome to the Adam and Jo Coke New Music Podcast, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, and a very merry Christmas to everybody.
This is our Christmas special.
And of course, Christmas is a particularly lovely time for people.
And for music as well.
And for music.
It's when heartwarming music gets made, isn't it?
It's when rock bands who are otherwise concerned with being tough and naughty embrace their loving side and are unafraid to sing with choirs of children.
about simple things like love and greed.
What are the other... Santa's sack is not one that's done the rounds on many shows that I've been watching.
There's a lot of references to Santa's sack on children's shows.
No, really?
Yeah, because mums and dads have a giggle and the kids don't know what's going on.
That's disgusting.
Children's shows have gone down the toilet.
And what are the other two jokes?
Something about a grotto.
I'm not sure what it is.
What about...
Hot nuts?
Yes, that's the other one.
Hot chestnuts.
That's not a real one, is it?
They're not actual jokes, they're just innuendonic.
Tinsel, pixies, can I feel your presence, Darth Vader, etc, etc.
Anyway, it's an exciting month for us because we have amazing new music from the United Kingdom, Denmark and Switzerland.
But let's kick off this month with a track from a band called Backslash.
Now, of course, that's a kind of an internet reference, isn't it?
But the word backslash will always make me think of someone just whittling on someone's back.
Yeah, you're in a queue and you're bored of how slowly the queue's moving.
You need to go to the loo.
You don't want to lose your place in the queue.
So you just have a slash on the back of the person in front of you.
A backslash.
A backslash.
Now, the key to this is that the person is wearing a heavy coat.
They can't tell.
No.
Until they get home and hang the coat up.
And there's a stink of urine in the house that develops over the next day.
Where's that smell of weed coming from?
This is Christmassy, isn't it?
Yeah!
Well, I tell you what I forgot to mention.
What?
It's Santa.
Santa's doing it.
It was Santa what done it in the cube.
He was desperate.
On the back of an elf.
So here we go with Backslash.
This is a track called Sing This Song.
Check this out, will you?
So there we go.
That was Sing This Song by Backslash from Switzerland.
What did you think of that, Adam Buxton?
Well, it was, it was sort of... It was very confident.
Yeah.
It was assertive.
It was very professionally played.
Nicely produced.
Nicely produced.
That's what you say when you want to do a bit of faint praise, isn't it, about something.
Hey, the production's amazing.
Amazing.
Did you produce that yourself?
Good bit of production there.
You really produced all over the arse of the thing.
I had some trouble with some of the words.
Like what?
Like, I swear I could sleep between your lines.
Was it lines or lies?
Lies.
Lies.
I could sleep between those lies.
Doesn't mean anything either way, does it?
Well, she tells so many lies that you can make a nice comfy bed out of them.
In what way?
Just pile them all up and sleep between them.
Have a little nap between the lies.
Thanks for the lies.
I'm going to have a little nap.
It doesn't make any sense.
And then later he says, a thousand cigarettes are lying on the floor.
Heaven found what I'm looking for.
The key to my door.
Have you not been in that situation?
I'm desperate for a ciggy.
Oh, so badly.
Please God give me some ciggies.
Oh, I need a cig.
Well, he's got a thousand.
And they've fallen from the sky.
Right.
Where does it say that?
It doesn't say they've fallen from the sky.
That man needs some cigarettes.
That's God talking.
Sprinkles him with ciggies.
I just don't think God would do that.
I don't think heaven, I don't think heaven's in the cigarette business.
Backslash one, the Swiss national soundcheck.
What's that?
It's a big competition.
I believe that Coke have something to do with it.
Oh, yeah, and it's not just a competition to do the best soundcheck.
Yeah, I think it might be really so so they didn't win it for their music.
Just they're tuning up.
Yeah, their soundcheck was like this.
That's really good.
I'm not surprised they won.
Yeah, it was revolutionary because no one had made those noises before.
Usually they just go one, two, one, two, that kind of thing.
But they won the soundcheck for that.
So staying in Switzerland, here's another track, this is by The Cleans, this is called Would You Be Around.
That was The Cleans, Cleans spelt with a K, and Would You Be Around.
They were the second of our two bands from Switzerland this month, and a very kind of muscular, you know, funky, Red Hot Chili Peppers style groove they're working there.
Now, you know, one of the things I like most about Christmas is Christmas adverts on TV.
And the other day I was flicking through channels and I found some very peculiar adverts on a lesser known cable channel.
Right.
One of them was for a meat company that specialised in supplying Christmas meats.
Turkey, bacon, chops, festive meats.
And so to represent their range of meats, they'd produced quite a startling graphic, a Christmas themed graphic.
And it was a snow globe full of meat.
It was a snow globe with different meats in it but they'd either enlarged or shrunken the meat so they were all the same similar sort of size.
A turkey.
A rasher of bacon.
What, floating around as if it was snow?
Yeah, they were all floating around as if in a snow globe.
As if you might like, like a meaty snow globe.
That you'd give a little shake and you'd enjoy all the different festive meats.
Yeah.
As if that wasn't enough, the meat snow globe vanished and onto the screen came an advert for cosmetic surgery.
And it featured a picture of a woman lying on her front foreshortened in such a way that her bottom looked very, very big.
Yeah.
And it was quite similar to the meats.
And it was suggesting that for Christmas you might get a bit of plastic surgery and maybe have your bum made smaller for Christmas.
Right.
Or your nose reshaped for Christmas.
And you know, there were an extraordinary couple of ads.
And I thought, well, maybe those two businesses are connected.
Maybe you get a big lump of cellulite sliced off your bottom.
Yeah.
Cook it up for Christmas.
Nice rasher of body.
Serve it to your rellies.
Oh, this is a nice roast.
It's an unusual meat.
What is it?
It's my bum.
I had it chopped off and I've stuck it in the oven and cooked it.
I mean, for a family without much money to spend over the festive season, that might be a useful way to kill two birds with one stone.
As it were.
You look much trimmer this season.
Julie, can I just say that this Christmas was, I thought, the best one for years.
The turkey, or whatever it was, was delicious and so tender and you look gorgeous.
Your figure is really improved.
It's funny, isn't it?
The more we seem to eat round here,
The better you look!
The trimmer you look!
There's a festive thought.
We might set up that business, listeners.
Yeah.
What would we call it?
Cannibal Christmas.
Sorry, listeners, we've got biscuits in the studio.
We're just investigating.
They're very high class.
Look at that biscuit.
Joe's made kind of a hot dog out of a chocolate finger and two white chocolate coated wafers.
It's Christmas, you're allowed to eat biscuits at any point.
Legally speaking, over Christmas anyone's allowed to eat biscuits at any point.
Even during the recording of this podcast.
That's right, in fact it's encouraged.
At other times of the year of course, particularly early in the year.
This would not be on.
No, it wouldn't be on.
This would not be on.
No, that's just not on.
You could spend a night in the cells for just a jammy pocha.
But at the moment it's on.
It is on.
It's totally on, it's sanctioned by Santa.
Hey!
Mate!
I don't know, I just walked in there and I heard you saying my name.
What the f*** is going on?
How you doing, guys?
Nice to see you.
Oh, Christmas special.
Oh, the biscuits are out!
The biscuits.
Alright.
Now we're very excited to be joined by Eddie Temple Morris.
Hello, Eddie.
I can tell.
You're visibly quivering.
We like to meet new people, you know, exciting people like you.
Handsome people.
We don't come across good looking men that often.
Really?
Is television not, you know, just crawling with good looking people on vigorous amounts of drugs?
Have you not watched TV recently?
Especially in comedy.
Everybody in TV comedy is grotesque.
That's what's funny about them.
Eddie's very attractive listeners, we should describe him right now.
He's got a sort of shock of black hair, very intelligent looking glasses, Mediterranean sort of skin tone.
He's got a little greying bits though, and he agrees with those, they look great.
Dying is lying, I say.
That's true.
I like my badger, my white walls look.
Yeah, it looks great, man.
The tips of some of his shaggy hair are stylishly grey, and then he's wearing a jet black jumper and a white shirt, and he's got his sleeves pulled up to reveal some highly fashionable bracelets and tanned arms.
Interestingly, these are the Seven Deadly Sins, which I've just bought myself as an advanced Christmas present.
What, in bracelet form?
Yeah, but there's only six of them because Envy snapped off yesterday.
Really?
Stolen by someone who was jealous of them?
It was literally envious.
So what are you going to do?
Do they give you carte blanche to sin?
Well, it's just a reminder to break one every day.
To break one?
Well, you know, I just had a fantastic lunch, so gluttony is ticked off for today.
And you know, lust is the closest to my heart, obviously.
And you know, it's nice being reminded of them.
You are a sickeningly bad example for young people.
And we're very glad to have you here.
You're in the right place.
Well, you know, I'm glad to be here and the first track that I've chosen today was specifically for you, Joe.
For me, really?
Yes, because last time I sensed that you were a little frightened with what I chose.
I chose some quite ferocious drum and bass and I sensed that you were scared and that perhaps you like music that is a little more light in the loafer.
Light in the loafer.
He means gauges.
Yes.
I thought maybe, you know, well, no, I mean, joking apart, you said, please, Eddie, can you choose something a little bit more mellow, perhaps a girl singing with a guitar or something like that.
Yeah.
I haven't quite gone that far, but I've chosen something which I think is incredibly uplifting, really beautiful.
It's the kind of track that you can imagine on a million chill albums in the next year.
Look, you can't use that word in that way anymore.
As amazing as it is, let's hear the piece of music.
Eddie, is there anything else you need to say about it?
Perhaps the name of the artist and the title would be traditional at this point.
It's by a public symphony, they're called.
Entirely unsigned and the track is called White Dove.
I thought that was lovely.
What do you reckon?
I liked it a lot.
It reminds me a bit of Groove Armada.
Well, it's sort of in that genre of scented candle music, that's what I think, you know, like 07.
Like I said, it's the kind of track you can imagine licensed to a hundred chill compilations.
Yes, or played on some kind of holiday program.
Yeah, there you go, exactly.
To a montage of the best beaches in Crete.
Yeah, but here's an interesting thing.
It was a little bit gay, but it was very, very good.
So, you know, Bango's the theory that gay means a little bit lame, because you can actually have something that's gay that is actually very good as well.
That's quite true, yeah.
Well, you know, like New York house music, for example.
It's pretty gay, but some of it's really good.
Yeah, and some of it is gay in both senses of the word, like bent, for example, who are not dissimilar as kind of nudely chilled out electronic maestros.
Yes.
They're very good.
Are they a band?
Yeah they are, well they are two producers from Nottingham who make that kind of Groove Armada, Kenobi sort of, they specialise in, well we're going a bit off the point but they'll buy like cheesy James Last records from car boot sales and then make really cool kind of like Beats records out of them.
Nice to hear good synthy sounds as well, good electronic sounds that have been a bit out of fashion haven't they in terms of they're used for adornment by a lot of indie bands and guitar bands but there aren't a lot of purely electronic bands.
Yeah well you know I take massive encouragement from that track as being you know an unsigned track uploaded to Coke Music.
That is so well produced.
It sounds like the kind of thing that you'd buy, you know, you'd go on a holiday somewhere like Bitha and buy a chill compilation with that on.
It just sounds totally polished and, you know, it's really nice.
Yeah, that's amazing, isn't it?
And that's presumably the kind of thing that someone's just done in their front room or whatever.
Yeah, I have no doubt that was probably, you know, done in a bedroom and, you know, for a fiver and it sounds like it could have cost a half a million quid and been recorded in Compass Point, Nassau.
Yeah, that was excellent.
What else have you got for us, Eddie?
Well, by contrast, I've got something, I'm going a little bit urban on you.
I'm going a little bit urban on your asses.
Oh, I like it.
Yes.
I've got this new British, there's quite a buzz about him and I'm really glad that he's uploaded a track.
He's called Fraser with a Z. And he is, every now and again, you know, the Americans, they get all sort of like, oh my God, there's something that's British and hip hop and good.
Where's he from, Fraser?
I think he's from London.
I think he's from London.
and he's got like a gajillion, bajillion friends on his MySpace, which is Fraser 2.
You can get info on him on Coat Music.
He's got that sort of Eminem thing where good lyrics that make you smile and make you think a bit.
So he's got those bases covered.
The thing that I don't like about hip-hop
a lot of hip hop is the sort of misogyny.
I don't like the sort of, I'm being really mean to my woman and I'm the greatest thing and I've got an enormous penis and all that sort of stuff.
I like it when hip hop makes me sick.
What if I do?
Well, that would be, you know, it would be one thing to have it and another thing to tell everybody that you got it.
That doesn't excuse how mean I've been to my woman.
But he does have a very big penis.
But you know what, Eddie Temple Morris?
I love hip hop.
In fact, I'd say if you're pandering to my personal tastes, I'm more interested in hip-hop than I am that previous track.
I would be really, really interested to know what you thought of this then.
Do you like mostly American hip-hop?
I like all sorts of hip-hop.
I like people like Sway quite a lot, so I like British hip-hop as well.
Now is this that kind of genre of hip-hop where it's a sort of urban white bloke doing a sort of unashamedly urban white bloke thing but in the hip-hop milieu, a bit like Plan B maybe?
I don't know, I'm hoping you like this, I mean I chose it for another reason because for me it's got a Christmas vibe about it and this being your Christmas special.
Christmas hip-hop?
Well, Christmas hip-hop perhaps is a genre that wouldn't cross over.
Can we think of some Christmas hip-hop?
It's a James Bond pastiche.
And Christmas for me is about eating vast quantities of protein, consuming so much alcohol that my liver sort of goes into shutdown and then you sit down in front of James Bond and launch air biscuits.
That's what Christmas is all about for me.
I'm not coming round to your house this Christmas.
Let's hear the track.
Fraser this is called man with a golden mic.
So over to our hip-hop expert for an appraisal.
Hip-hop expert liked that.
Ace!
Yeah that was good wasn't it?
I mean it's very much from as you say from the Eminem school of kind of cartoony hip-hop with kind of mocking noises.
But then the nice sort of like orchestral James Bond stab in there to remind you what the past is about.
Yeah but lyrically that's really good isn't it?
Really dense and a good story and stuff.
Well, I don't understand the story, Dad.
He's going on a mission.
What industry is going to stay retarded?
The hip-hop industry.
It's very important for British hip-hop to succeed, isn't it?
Yeah, well, yeah.
And I think they're always being shackled or see themselves as being shackled by America and never take them seriously.
Well for years, I remember when I was a nipper and just getting into hip hop, it was impossible to have a legitimate British MC wasn't it?
Just by having a British accent would make you a laughing stock.
Like Derek B. Yeah, he did quite well didn't he?
He was good, yeah.
Can you remember any of Derek B's ones?
My DJ Derek B is best, checking out all rookies who fail the test.
You wanna know who's the best in town?
Come on everybody and just forget town!
That kind of thing.
But it's come on a long way and that's really good.
He's clearly really talented and if I was him I'd try and come off the stuff that sounds very similar to Eminem.
Don't you think, Adam Buxton?
Yeah, I agree with you.
Because that shows serious promise, doesn't it?
It's obviously very talented.
That is the most like Eminem that I've ever heard.
I found him first because he sent me a couple of mash-ups.
He sent me a couple of him doing mixtape stuff.
He had one like Rapping Over Fame by David Bowie and one Rapping Over, I can't remember, maybe Elvis Costello and the Attractions or something like that.
I like it when hip-hoppers do that.
It just gives you that sort of blast of familiarity that you can get your teeth into it and then you like them through the back door.
The more unexpected the better.
What a clever use of the kind of the briefing by Q at the beginning there to turn that... That was my favourite bit.
That was my favourite bit.
You know why?
Because I thought, because it was so funny to hear that accent and he does the middle class accent quite well.
It's more posh, isn't it, that he was doing there.
But it sounded really unusual and funny to hear someone rapping really well with that accent done properly.
Do you know what I mean?
excellent good so mission accomplished mission accomplished more hip-hop please lovely little samples in there as well great little sample of the music from the spy who loved me one of my favorite bond scores really funky do you remember the spy who loved me
That amazing ski chase really, kind of the only funky 70s, even though, was it 70s or early 80s?
It was 70s wasn't it?
Late 70s, yeah.
And was that Nobody Does It Better, was that the theme tune for that?
And there's that lovely little squishy sound that he's got there in one of the breaks there.
Excellent, I'm really glad you like that, and I know Fraser will be really chuffed that you like that as well.
I wonder if he spells his name Fraser like P-H, or is it just F?
No, it's F-R-A-Z-E-R.
He's missing a trick there, surely.
For a rapper, because he'd be like, it's got phrases, it's using phrases.
Oh, I like it.
Yeah?
Oh, like the phraser.
It's like the laser phraser.
Yeah?
Come on, tell him that, he's missing a trick.
He can have that.
That's your LP number one title sorted mate.
As usual, another great selection.
Yeah, we'll be looking out for Fraser and also Public Symphony.
Thanks Eddie.
You're really welcome.
Merry Christmas to you my friend.
As usual, a delight, an absolute delight to see Eddie from the Temple of Morris.
Thank you Eddie.
Let's have some more music now.
What have we got Joe?
This is a track from Denmark by a band called Port Largo.
This is called Another State.
Well, that was Port Largo with a song called Another State.
They're from Denmark.
I thought that was excellent.
I like that as well.
It was very atmospheric, wasn't it?
And pretty good drumming, switching up all over the place there.
Reminded me of The Cure.
I know it's very sort of reductive to always say that these bands just sound like someone else, but they all, you know, they inevitably do.
And that's not a bad thing to sound like.
They're good.
Very good.
Well done, Port Largo.
Well done, Thomas from Denmark, for picking that one out for us.
Thank you very much, Thomas.
And let's see what else Thomas has got up his sleeve.
Well, what did you drink of the one, one, one, one?
Would you like a little what?
Did you like a little what?
Did you hear that drank one, one?
Do you like a little what?
Are you Gemstar?
Yes, I am.
That was Gemstar with Rule of Livin'.
Yeah.
And that was from Denmark.
I like that.
Talk to me like Gemstar.
That was very good, wasn't it?
It was good, he's talented.
Double whammy from Denmark.
Yeah, Denmark, really bringing up the goods, bringing off the stuff.
Yeah, some sort of phrase like that.
Doing on the sounds.
No, stop it.
No.
He drives a funky car, he's probably a bit like the... He's probably a bit like JK.
A bit like JK, he likes his...
But that's good.
It'd be interesting to hear some more of his stuff and see if it all sounded exactly the same.
Like J.K.
Yeah, but come on, let's not, because J.K.
sounds just like other people, doesn't he?
I mean, J.K.
in and of himself is highly derivative, in a good way.
In a good way.
It's a marvellous pastiche.
You know the adverts for Jamiroquai's greatest hits, it's really hard to tell if you're listening to different tracks or not when they just play a few seconds of them, they blend so seamlessly into each other.
It's really very difficult to tell one from another.
Good cover though.
Kind of a riff on the Planet of the Apes when they find the crown of the Statue of Liberty in the sand, but instead it's JK's spiky metal helmet in the sand.
It's clever.
It's been there for years.
That's what happens if you smoke a lot of weed and drive a lot of cars.
Gemstar though, two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert here.
We like that a lot.
That would be very nice on a long motorway journey.
Absolutely.
in a sexy car sat next to a sexy woman from a sex town going to a sex party would you like to hear some sexy music lady no thanks shut up put on m people and shut your mouth otherwise i'll never give you nothing dirty
What a disappointing day that would be.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, after three tense months, it's time finally to resolve our Cantham's competition.
Joe, can you just remind us what this was?
Well, the Cantham's competition was a competition to find the best piece of music played entirely using a Coca-Cola can.
Whose idea was it?
Not mine.
It wasn't mine, although I championed the idea.
Yeah, I thought it was a bit of a bad idea and that it wouldn't work.
I was right.
Because you know on normal competitions, on like TV shows and things, at this point they'd usually drag in a big sack of letters and go, we've had thousands of entries and selecting the winner's been literally impossible because the standard was so high.
It's not the case.
That's not the case with this competition.
We've had three entries, right?
And the standard was very, very low.
There's one from a guy called Carl Eric Ostland, and he's from Sweden.
He's a Swede, man.
What does that mean?
Well, let's listen to the piece of music that he sent in.
Okay.
A reminder, this is played entirely using a Coke can.
It had to be a Coke can.
It wasn't my idea.
Well that was pretty good.
That was good.
That was the Coke jingle.
It's the Coke jingle.
He's clever.
If that had been me, maybe what I would have done is the holidays are coming, holidays are coming.
Because that's one of my favourite ads.
When the Coke trucks start rolling in, you know, I genuinely get excited.
Do you?
Although I think at the end of the festivities in January, they should have a depressing one where all the trucks leave and there's just a load of rubbish left in their wake.
All the trucks are going.
All the trucks are going.
All the trucks are going.
Holidays are finished.
Holidays are finished.
Life will get depressing.
Celebrity Big Brother.
Not Celebrity Big Brother again.
Oh God.
Let's hear the other runner-up.
This is from Bruce Woodhouse from Bow in London.
That's good as well.
That was good, although I mean I'm in a very suspicious frame of mind now and I was thinking that some of the sounds on there were very similar to the previous track, the Carl Eric Ostman one.
I'm pretty sure.
You know the way that Prince's music all sounded exactly the same because he used the same drum machine.
They're treating us like children.
I was the same guy, wasn't it?
We can deal with it.
If no one's entered the competition, that's fine.
We can deal with it.
We don't need to entertain these fakazoid entries.
That's if they are fakazoid.
Right.
But who knows?
Bruce Woodhouse from Bow in London might just be a...
very lonely and bored and also talented which is how he produces a piece of lonely bored and talented noise like that right the thing is that we don't actually have physical pictorial proof that these people are sort of regular legitimate competition entrants right and the only person that we have that proof from
is the supplier of this next piece of music.
And this is the winning piece of music.
This piece of music, once again played entirely on a Coke can, was sent to us by Chris Morley, and he is the winner of the Cantham competition.
Chris Morley, who's won that, has actually won a prize that's worth winning.
And that puts a whole different patina on the shabazz of the competition, doesn't it?
He's won 50 iTunes credits.
That's a good prize, man.
That's like five albums.
So thank you very much indeed, Chris, for being part of what is perhaps the least successful competition in history.
In the history of mankind.
Like of any competition.
The fewest entries ever.
So that's exciting, man, that you were a part of that.
Well, anyway, folks, that's pretty much all we've got time for this month.
Thank you very much indeed for listening to these podcasts so far this year, and I do hope you'll rejoin us in 2007 for more excellent music and good times.
Have a great Christmas.
We'll see you next year.
Bye.
Take care.
Bye.